I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
