I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My vagina is very pro this idea
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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