Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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