Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
