I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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