So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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