Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
