I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
