She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My life is pants optional.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
