I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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