I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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