I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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