I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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