Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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