never play flip cup with pint glasses
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
