I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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