god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize