4 words: hood of his car
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
