I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
