I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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