Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
