The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
