I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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