Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
