This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
