me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this will be a night to untag.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
