I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
love makes seman taste better
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
