Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
