I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
