I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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