Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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