the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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