That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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