where am i from again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
