she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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