Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
