He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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