remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
