So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
