I'm so fucking centered right now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
