She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize