she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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