I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize