just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
