We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
