I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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