No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
