there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
