Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
