Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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