i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
