hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
