I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
