Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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