Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
