Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
