I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
