i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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