PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
