I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
