But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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