sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
