she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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