I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
